Rolling with the Changes

I want to thank Franklin's Pharmacy for having my prescription at a deeply discounted price. I was experiencing much anxiety as I did not have any more medication and neither did I insurance to pay for my $200 medication. On our way to Walmart to purchase five days worth of medication, we stopped at Franklin's on a whim, and it was only $40.00. I had noticed the symptoms of my old friend, Bipolar, creeping up on me, insomnia, irritability, anger, and I was getting really afraid that I was beginning to tip the scales towards mania. On top of that, I had been to see my doctor and he said that I was hypomanic. I have already learned in the past to trust him. I am so thankful that I was able to get the medication I need.

Even though I have my medication, I am still watching my symptoms. Also to help me track my moods I have been using Optimism online. It can be used online, and on your IPhone, with no syncing. Check it out....https://www.optimismonline.com/login.php.

There has been a lot of changes in my life, and I have been having difficulty setting up a routine. I am currently working at home. I have a writing and editing business. I have a few clients, but I need to work to acquire more.When I am relaxing, I feel like I should be working. When  I am working, I feel like I should be playing with my daughter. Also when I am working or relaxing I feel like I should be cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, or playing with my daughter. I am fighting the voice of failure.

The fact of the matter I can write and edit very well, and I know there are companies or clients that need assistance with writing and editing and I don't know how to find them, yet.

On a good note, something peculiar happened to me. I was in the basement one evening waiting for the washing machine to finish. I pulled out a box full of old letters and cards, and I found so many from my mother. I have not written much about my mother because I was very conflicted about our relationship. Especially, after I had my own daughter 11 years ago, and realized how flawed I am. Or should I say that every mother makes mistakes. Furthermore, that my daughter was going to put my actions and mistakes under a microscope, just as I had done my mother's actions. As I read the cards and letter, I just melted. In those cards and letters she told me how much she loved me and how wonderful, special, and talented I am. So I wrote her an email, and we have been communicating on a regular basis.

I have to admit that I am very isolated. I have no car. I have not invited friends over even though I have intended to do so. Very rarely do I call friends or family, and hardly anybody calls me. They probably think I don't want to talk to them. Since I am no longer in Taekwondo, I don't see all my friends from there. I sit in this house, day after day, waiting for my husband to come home. I think about the things I could do outside the house, but when I think about walking downtown, I just forget the idea. But living like I live is not cutting it. But what do I change and what do I change first because with Bipolar all changes should be done in moderation?